The "Good" Church

Hamo blogs on the question of choosing a church, interacting with a fellow blogger:

The group of people we choose to align ourselves with will give form to our identity and when it comes to a faith context the church we choose to be a part of will play a significant influence in our own formation. This is not rocket science of course, but it does have significant implications for how we choose which ‘church’ to a part of.

James writes:”I believe at a very deep level that I need church if I want to be a faithful follower of Jesus. But I do not think it is wise to participate in a community of faith that simply reinforces the scripts of the dominant culture.”

He goes on to discuss the typical question -- do you know a "good" church?

I had to reply “that depends on what you mean by ‘good’”

If ‘good’ = catering to your personal wish list then that is very different to where ‘good’ = a community that will call me and challenge me to live in a Christlike way.

This conversation caught my eye this morning. I'd fallen down the rabbit hole last night trying to talk to hubby about my desire to connect with a few believers here in our new town, without necessarily getting sucked into the all-consuming relational network of church. It started with a conversation he had with one of the pastors -- "Oh, by the way, E (the associate pastor's wife) was wondering if she could invite you to a group she's starting ..." Now, I happen to know E well enough to know that she's a perfectly competent person, a smart business woman who knows how to operate a telephone. Why doesn't she just call me? Do I have a sign on me that says "Don't bug her?" Does everyone have to approach me through hubby?

The whole thing rankled. I know there's some effort not to overload us behind that question, but last time I checked, I was an adult well past 40 and capable of making my own excuses. Honestly, I'm not sure I want to join the typical small group, woman's or other, right now. But that reluctance has more to do with what Hamo was talking about than anything else.

I have held myself back from this church community for the past months, sometimes intentionally, sometimes by default. I did have in mind when we moved that I wanted to build relationships primarily in the community. I know how to "join" a church to the point that I'm so busy with my church friends that I have no relational space for neighbors or others. So I didn't--on purpose. The disconnect I felt in our last church continues -- there is something in me that craves something other than the overwrought "intimacy" of contemporary worship songs. Silence might be a nice start. The band actually played a hymn last Sunday -- I can't even remember which one, maybe Great is Thy Faithfulness -- and I was in tears singing it.

All that to say, I'm willing to own my part of the disconnect. I believe at some level that at least part of it really is God's work in me -- pulling me out of a comfortable place in order to force some kind of growth. More than a small part of it has to do with being an introvert by nature and not really being in the mood (given the general level of stress and disruption in my life right now) to make the effort to pretend to be something other than that for the sake of making other people more comfortable. The interesting thing is, that I've had no trouble connecting to a number of parents at Doe's school, for example. These aren't deep friendships, but they are people I feel free to have a normal conversation with from time to time. So I'm not a complete social retard. There is something informative about observing a church from a bit of a distance ... but perhaps that's another post.

In the meanwhile, I do find myself wanting to connect with some kind of Christian community that will reinforce the journey I'm on. Reading and interacting with bloggers who have that concern has been wonderfully life-giving, but at some point, we need face-to-face community as well. And so I find myself wondering where that "good" community is -- not the one that will meet my needs, but the one that will challenge me to keep following Jesus through this uncharted territory. What was really frustrating me last night, though I couldn't quite articulate it at 11 p.m., was that I felt like I was asking the second question, but it kept coming out sounding like the first. It's hard to ask, where are the people who want to explore missional, incarnational, justice-seeking, Christ-following life in the midst of suburbia without it somehow sounding like -- why isn't this church meeting my needs? Truth be told, there's a part of me that's content to pout about the lack of friends. It's like gravity; I've been raised in the consumer church, so it's really hard to look at the church as something other than a provider of goods and services designed to meet my needs, and in those moments of loneliness and sadness my thoughts easily fall back into that rut. As hard as it is to resist that self-centered pull, I'm aware of another force -- the one that hints at a life centered on Kingdom priorities lived with others who share that journey.